Had a quarrel with him that night. he said it was his supplier's phone number. so he said she could have change her phone number. how believing is that? same number except the last digit? i kept having photographic memory of her name is his log, seriously. but, i thought again, not v possible that he'll know her. so i trusted him after the long quarrel.
he mentioned about my attitude problem during the quarrel. He said something like, A 'close' friend of mine whom I THINK that i'm close with, told him that she also doesnt like my attitude or temper. he also said that qinghui and sengkiat didnt want to go for dinner with me because they're afraid that i'll ask them things about him and try to dig info from them. but honestly, i went out for supper several times with sengkiat during the entire month and i've never asked him a single shit about frog. on the other hand, it was sengkiat who smsed me asking me about things between me and frog. Frog said seng kiat told him that we went out for supper and we talked about him. excuse me, did we??? SO WTF HAPPENED? i wasnt very pleased with seng kiat after that for 'accusing' me so i didnt bother to talk to him when i saw him at mama that night. but the thing is, i dont think i should be unpleased with him because he probably has his reasons to do so. why? because frog will definitely be unhappy with him if he mention anything about frog to me. so in fact, not that seng kiat is afraid of me, but more likely because seng kiat is afriad of him. RIGHT.
afterall, the thing that bothered me most was that he actually told me that my 'close' friend told him that she also dislike my attitude. i dunno who she is. so what is he trying to prove?? that all along, it was wishful thinking on my part that i'm close with this close friend? first thing is, he really dont care about how i would feel when he said those words to me. i value my friendship a lot. and words like these, once said can't be taken back. second thing is, if my close friend really has such a big problem with me, he/she should just come to me and tell me about it instead of telling my boyfriend about this. because when my bf tells me about what you tell him, i'll doubt whether you're really my 'close' friend or my bf's 'close' friend. It really upset me a lot. I believe that everyone has their own weaknesses, bad points and good points. so if you're sincere in befriending me, there must be a reason and perhaps because my longcomings had overwhelmed my shortcomings. this is what i feel about my friends.
The fact that he could say all those hurtful words to me, showed that he didn't care about how i feel. I value friendship a lot. and i hate it when pple ard me try to tell me things like these that'll hurt my friendship with those around me.
i was thinking about this whole quarrel during my journey home just now. i really wonder how long will we last. it really sucks to the core when i'm unhappy with what he had said but couldnt sms him or tell him how i feel because he's busy with his work and he'll say that im adding stress to him. so what do i do? swallow the tears before it run down my cheeks in public places. can you imagine? 20 mins of nel + 10 mins of LRT was hell. but im quite a regular at fighting back my tears. otherwise, the other passengers would probably think that i'm nuts.
To be honest, i really feel very stressful being with him. I have to know how to deal with not only him, but the people around him who are also my friends. i can't treat them like my friends anymore, they're his friends. He once blamed me for spoiling his friendship with kelvin because i called kelvin and talked to him. He said that i was trying to dig info from kelvin. but he always contact my friends and days just past like normal for me, isn't it? for example, yesterday i met him, qinghui and alvin at koufu then kim and jim suddenly appeared. I asked kim how did she know that we were there. she said because she smsed frog and asked him where he is. See it? it's perfectly fine when kim contact him or when he contact kim. but it's totally wrong for me to contact sengkiat and i used to be quite close with him. is this fair? i really can't take this kind of things anymore. my head is bursting soon.
If my bf is someone whom all my friends do not know, i dont even have to fking care about all these things. i'm quite sure that if we ever have a big quarrel again, everything will be blown by the wind. i wont be bothered to hold on to this relationship anymore. i can live without him. by that time, i swear i won't date anyone who're close to my friends.
