i'm surprise with how well i'm doing after he left. i was in despair for 2 days but now im doing v well.
im begining to realise that it was the sudden change that i had to face that affected my thinking then. i was reluctant to change and it resulted in all those things i did. but once the 2-days was over, i began to see things in a different light. it was not as bad as i imagined it to be. In fact, i am starting to agree with him that it wont do us good if we had continued to live the way we lived. i can see things from an outsider's point of view. this break up isn't a bad thing for me afterall. i feel like i'm back to the life before i met him. i experience the joy of freedom. i landed myself into self-pity since sunday. but few days ago, one random schoolmate approached me and offered to share his umbrella with me cos it was drizzling. i thought, im not that pathetic afterall. there are still kind souls around who treat me well.
i always think to myself, i lost someone who dont bother bout my feelings and he lost someone who loved and cared for him. it's his loss. now, when i think back, i remember many instances when he showed sign of being sick of the relationship. i blame him for destroying my friends' impression of me. he has always been lying to me that he was at work when he was in fact, hanging out with his friends who are also my friends. what would my friends think of me? all thanks to him for that. But having said that, i am also at fault. it takes two hands to clap. i know that i've neglected him of his personal time with his friends. there's a communication breakdown between us that's why i only realise my mistake now.
i totally agree that it is not easy being in love and maintaining a relationship. when we started out tgt, we do give each other feedbacks, building a healthy relationship. but since one yr ago, i think we haven't been communicating much. all we wanted was to avoid any argument possible and continue to live the way we had been living. and this, obviously causes a build-up of problems in our relationship.
i'm happy that i'm doing well now. I'm not sure how he's feeling now since i haven't contacted him for some time. but i seriously hope that the fact that i'm doing v well w/o him will knock some sense into him. he has become someone who was indispensable in my life to someone who is dispensable. i'm not sure where the future lies but i swear that i will never commit the same mistake again.
